I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
