Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
