There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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