I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
