I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am naked and annoyed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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