i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
