my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
