You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
