UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
