I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
