I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
