doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
