I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
