dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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