yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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