i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
