Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
