You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
