I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
