who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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