He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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