What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
