I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
