I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
