The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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