So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
