I just made out with a guy for $7.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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