This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
