is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The air taste purple.
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