I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
