This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
