Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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