shes about as inviting as chlamydia
is wine microwaveable?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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