$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ok first of all what the fuck
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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