Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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