a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
