this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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