I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
