Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
