he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
