Soap is not a condiment
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I met the friendliest cop last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
