I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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