i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
