I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
