If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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