why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
