I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
