I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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