Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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