So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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