Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
