Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
