Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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