so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
