I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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