woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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