Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its about making memories worth repressing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
