Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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