no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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