i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
