Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
